mmmhmmm....weird covos....but great story! Hey quick tip from a pro (actually not.....at all...)
Have something on the news about a sighted boat like object with a body on it or something that referances deltas death again
And, since she is Eleanor, make her tear up over it. It would be a cool addition. You could even make it scary, and have Delta or Lamb appear as ghosts....
There will be some tearing up next chapter but no ship references...yet. Rest assured that Rapture is not forgotten- and Eleanor will soon be reminded of that...
/ominous foreshadow ;=D
Delta and Lamb should appear in a nightmare, as to shove it up Ellies $;?!6:!@( that she is alone, and Lamb is no longer around to feed her, and Delta is no longer around for her to worship.
Appearances can be deceiving... not all the facts are laid out yet .Delta and Lamb should appear in a nightmare, as to shove it up Ellies $;?!6:!@( that she is alone, and Lamb is no longer around to feed her, and Delta is no longer around for her to worship.
Next chapter will be up later this afternoon.
Its obvouis whos with her..........................Gil followed her to the surface DUH
Peter could only gape. Not at Eleanor's body, though he had done his fair amount of staring. Eleanor had a killer body that was filled in all the right places. The blue single-pieced swim suit clung tightly, leaving nothing to the imagination, much to Peter's pleasure. He was giving himself mental high fives the entire walk to the beach as he was so going to brag about this to his friends later. All hormonal thoughts, however, were driven out of Peter's mind when the two teenagers reached the beach. It was there that Peter made a startling discovery.
Eleanor was a goddess in water.
Peter had always prided himself as a good swimmer, but he had absolutely NOTHING on Eleanor. All her actions were effortless- the water just seemed to bend to her will. It was like watching Olympic swimmers on TV- she swam through the water as it was as natural as breath, like she had been living in the sea her entire life!
"Where did you learn to swim like that?" He finally managed to say.
Eleanor shrugged, slightly embarrassed. This "swim suit" showed far more skin than she would like. It was more like a piece of cloth than actual clothing in her opinion. But she was on the surface now and she had to conform to Surfacer customs if she wanted to remain incognito. Plus, it wasn't like Rapture had any swimsuits- just diving suits. Perhaps this was most the optimal clothing for swimming in shallow water?
She was also slightly mystified. She always had been a good swimmer, but now she felt like she was a God in water. Her technique...she didn't even know there could be was "proper technique" for swimming. Every stroke, every lunge, every paddle- she could do it in ways that she had never even thought of, much less been taught. It all seemed to come naturally to her- as if she had been swimming so much that she had taken it and broken it down into a science. Before, Eleanor knew how to swim. Now, Eleanor was a swimmer.
Yet for some reason Eleanor wasn't curious to find out more about this strange discovery. It just seemed...natural. Unless...could it be...?
Father... She mentally called out, her thoughts filled with longing.
There was no response.
As for Peter...he wasn't the most observant of people, much less the lady killer he fancied himself to be, but even he could tell the shift in Eleanor. Before, she had seemed content, almost happy. Now...she seemed depress.
Just like she was when Peter first met her.
"Did you lose someone recently?"
Eleanor snapped her head up to look at Peter in surprise. Peter shifted uncomfortably at the attention but did not falter. Something in him was telling him to keep talking. So he did. "I've lost someone recently too. I know you think you've met all my family but the truth is that you haven't. We once-no we have a little sister and she-"
Peter gulped as a wave of emotion rose up. He pushed forward. "We haven't seen her in two years. It's possible she's dead. Mom doesn't believe that but I...I can't either. Because if I do, I feel like...like..."
"Like it was all for nothing." Eleanor whispered. "Like all that time you spent with them doesn't matter anymore..."
"Because you'll never spend time with them anymore." Peter finished, his voice shaking. "But you can't let it get to you. My little sister...we never found any body or anything. She could still be alive. And that's what I have to hold on to. That hope. That hope that I'll one day see her again."
Peter would never know this but at that moment he had connected with Eleanor more than anyone ever had before including Dr. Sophia Lamb, Eleanor's own biological mother. For Eleanor, it was as if Peter had reminded her of the greatest secret of life. How could she had forgotten that she had single-handedly revived Father from the dead ten years after Lamb murdered him, motivated only by the childish hope that her Father couldn't be dead? And now here she was, ready to give up because transferring Father's essence appeared not to have work? No...no, she would not give up. Father had given her a chance to live. And live she would, with the hope that, like Peter, she would one day see her true family again.
"Peter..." She said softly. "Thank you."
Peter merely nodded grimly. "Come on," He said, swimming to the shore. "It's getting dark. Let's go home."
As the two of them walked back to the Appleton home, Peter continued to speak. That small conversation in the water, that jolt of connection through sadness; it compelled Peter to talk. He spoke of secrets that he had never said before to anyone else. Something inside him pushed him, telling him the right thing to do right now was to open and spill all of his guts to a girl he had only known for three days. And throughout it all, Eleanor listened attentively, speaking only to ask questions.
"So you don't like your brother?"
Peter grimaced. "No, I love him. I can't afford NOT to love him, not since my little sister disappeared. It's just that he's so smart! Like he gets A's and everything easy. And he's as great at football and fishing as I am too. As his twin brother, everyone expects me to be as good as him and when they find out I'm not...they just don't understand how come I can't be some perfect being. People expect great things out of him, so they also expect great things from me too."
Eleanor nodded. She understood the feeling completely. Hadn't Lamb always told her that she was 'special'? That she was 'born to change the world?' "From the moment I was born people have said that I was special. They expected me to be their savior, someone who could come and change their world."
Peter stopped suddenly. "But you are special Eleanor."
Peter immediately blushed. He didn't mean to say that out loud. "Wait, let me explain," He said, hoping she wouldn't get mad. "I've only known you for three days yet I've told you things that I've never told anyone else, not even my brother. I feel more comfortable around you than my own family. Doesn't that mean something? Something about you?"
For some reason, Eleanor felt the need to deny this. "No Peter. It's not anything about me. You...I...you're different too. You say things that no one has ever said to me before. Things that I needed to hear. I'm don't want to be special."
Peter walked up to Eleanor until he was almost standing right now to her. "You've changed me Eleanor. Changed me without even trying. You are special no matter what."
Then Peter kissed her.
He wasn't sure why he did that. If it were any other time, Peter would have been far too frightened to even try getting close to Eleanor? Perhaps his confessions had imbued an increased sense of self confidence. All he knew was that one second he was standing in front of Eleanor and the next second his lips were pressed against hers.
It was like an wet, fiery explosion. For a moment, Eleanor was shocked still. Then excitement seemed to burst from with in Eleanor's stomach, flowing through her body like a rapid flowing river. It was a sensation she had never felt before, a sense of intimacy that she had never felt before. Her Adam seemed to react, bubbling fiercely beneath her skin, as if it was trying to break out of its organic prison. Without thinking she immediately began responding to the kiss, her tongue darting into Peter's mouth as the two teenagers pushed all their desires and hopes into that one moment of passion.
Then the two broke apart. For a few seconds neither of them spoke, breathlessly from that moment on intense passion that neither of them had ever experienced before. Finally, Peter spoke.
Eleanor nodded, still breathing heavily. Then Peter seemed to realize just what he did.
"Oh my God! ****! I...I've never done that before. I swear, I don't know what came over me. I just-"
Peter's apologies were cut off as Eleanor swooped in and pressed her lips into his. Something had ignited in Eleanor. It was that spark of emotion that Lamb had sought so hard to give everyone but couldn't even give to her own daughter. It was that spark that pushed Eleanor to spend ten years reviving a stranger that she had only known during her short time as a Little Sister.
It was love.
It was such a shame it wouldn't last.
CLICK HERE FOR CHAPTER 7
(A/N: To head off any comments before hand...)
Some people probably will have an issue the statement that Peter connected more with Eleanor than anyone before. Some might say Delta has that spot. Me, I say that Eleanor and Delta's deep connection is mostly chemical driven. Remember, Eleanor only knew Delta when she was a Little Sister and both parties were brain-washed to care for each other. And Eleanor and Delta really didn't talk one on one until they were running the hell away from the Rapture family. Of course, because of that deep connection, Eleanor will still believe Delta is the person most connected with her.
And just because Eleanor thinks she loves Peter doesn't mean she really does. Haven't you ever thought you were in love with someone, only to realize a couple months later you can't stand being near them? And remember- Eleanor's a pretty screwed up girl who's been devoid of pretty much all contact with anyone besides Dr. Lamb. If you look at people like Amir and Delta, it seems to me that, since she never had any before, Eleanor craves anyone who shows her love. Peter and the Appleton's are some of those few people.
*Forrest Gump Voice* And that's all I have to say about that.
CLICK HERE FOR CHAPTER 7
Last edited by Crazy Demon; 05-24-2010 at 02:44 AM.
Cant...resist.....must....try....Aw screw it....
In all of my 16 years of writing stories, this one is REALLY good! I like it
*Applauds* "Bravo, Can't Wait for Chapter 7"
Will Something Happen to Peter That Cause's Tension Between Eleanor and The Appleton's?
In all of my 16 years of writing stories, this one is REALLY good! I like it
You shall see tomorrowWill Something Happen to Peter That Cause's Tension Between Eleanor and The Appleton's?
Or shall we? READY THE FORKS N TORCHES, TIS A HOLY CRUSAIDE TO CRAZY DEMONS HOME FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS!!!!
Mhmm... chapter was semxy
But why do I feel like Peters sister is a Little Sister? and they will go to save her?
Mmmmmm ......... love .......... and Eleanor .........
Only a short time had past before the Appleton's had gotten used to their raven-haired addition to the family- it was soon felt like she had never been a stranger at all. Mrs. Appleton had noticed that Peter and Eleanor were a little closer than two relative strangers should be. Still, she figured that there was no harm so as long as the two didn't do anything nerfarious. Secretly, she was glad that her son had found such a fine young woman like Eleanor.
And a fine woman she was! Not only was she quite pretty, but she was such an avid learner! When she first came to their home, she had known nothing about being a proper housewife. She didn't know how to cook, to do laundry, to clean, anything a woman should know. Even odder, she said the strangest things at the most random of times and often seemed to be surprised or caught off guard by the most common sayings or objects.
It was like she had been living under a rock before she met them!
But Eleanor had learned it all and more in only a couple of days. The Appletons still hadn't asked her about her past (that poor little girl!) but her physical appearance had improved greatly. Her skin no was no longer pale and now had a nice, creamy hue to it. Her eyes were no longer nearly as red as they had been before (She must no longer be crying at night, Mrs. Appleton had noted) and she looked healtier than she had ever been before. She still refused to let that small suitcase out of her sight- no doubt, she had something private that she wished to keep to herself. But that was alright- all and all, Mrs. Appleton was confident that Eleanor would be a great wife for Peter.
For Eleanor, she had never before felt so at home anywhere else. The Appleton's were...were just simply so kind! They were such a loving family, especially to her even though they knew nothing about her. Eleanor, in her most private moments, wondered if this was what her family could ever have been like. Maybe if Lamb had never became so insane...Maybe if Father had survived...Maybe if they had never gone to Rapture...
In any case, Eleanor was greatly enjoying her stay with the Appletons. It was actual quite peculiar to Eleanor: she felt like the Appletons were like...like her family. Yes, that was it. She had only lived with the Appletons for a little more than two weeks yet she felt more at home with these total strangers than she ever did with Lamb, her biological mother. The closest she had ever felt this way (besides her time with Father when she was a Little Sister) was with Gracie Holloway, her caretaker when Lamb was imprisoned, but even then, Gracie was more like an aunt than an actual mother. Living with the Appleton's just felt so...right. Like it was the way it was suppose to be.
It was quite uncanny. Almost unnatural.
In any case, it was entirely possible that Eleanor would have stayed with the Appletons. She could have eventually accepted them as her family and lived out the rest of her natural lifespan in that small, little fishing village, happier than she had ever been before.
Even the fish didn't smell so bad!
Of course, fate had different plans.
The moment Eleanor walked into the kitchen she instantly knew something was wrong. Normally, breakfast was a rowdy affair. Mrs. Appleton would be busy making more breakfast, humming some little tune while she bustled about. would be telling the latest joke he heard from his buddies. Peter and Andrew (actually only Peter) would usually be engaged in some kind of tomfoolery, acting like children half their age.
Today, however, their was a depressing silence. Peter and Andrew were quietly munching on their breakfast, while Mr. Appleton seemed particularly interested in the newspaper, barely touching his food as his eyes glazed over the same text over and over again. Mrs. Appleton seemed devoid of energy, halfheartedly cooking. There was no humming today- only loud sniffs, as if she was about to cry at any moment.
Normally, Eleanor would have outright asked what the problem was. However, the last two and a half weeks had taught her much about Surfacer etiquette, so she instead slid into the seat next to Peter and whispered, "What's going on?"
Peter jumped slightly, as if he hadn't noticed her slid up beside him. He leaned in and whispered, "Remember I was telling you about my little sister?" Seeing Eleanor nod, he continued. "Today's her birthday. She would have been nine now."
Eleanor placed her small suitcase down. She still carried her Big Sister suit everywhere with her, if only to make sure that the Appleton's didn't stumble upon it and ask...awkward questions. "Would you kindly tell me what happened?"
Peter grimaced- whether it was at Eleanor's awkward attempts at politeness or the thoughts of his dearest sister, no one ever know. "We're not sure. She disappeared two years ago. One night we tucked Valentine in and the next morning she was gone. The police came by and they said there wasn't any forced entry or anything like that. But her window was opened from the inside. They said she must have wandered out of the house and...and got lost at sea. Its happened before with some other kids and my little sister was only 7. They said that a lot of time little kids like to go out to the beach by themselves..."
Peter's expression hardened. "But I don't believe it and Mom doesn't either. Valentine knew better than to go wandering off alone. Someone took her, I know it!"
Eleanor's interest was peaked. It sounded like this Valentine had been "adopted" by one of the Big Sisters and brought to Rapture. With her connection to all of the new Little Sisters, if Peter's Sister had been converted, Eleanor would know.
"May I see a picture of her?"
"Sure," Peter said, taking a framed photo off the wall. "Here's one we took for her 6th birthday."
Eleanor smiled at him as she took the picture. "Thank you Pe-" She began.
And then she died.
Or at least that's what it felt like. The moment Eleanor laid her eyes on the cute six-year-old girl, her Adam seemed to lurch. She had no time to react as her mind went on overdrive with images and memories flashed through her head. The picture in front of her seemed to fade away as her mind flashbacked.
Fire and smoked raged across the city as the screams of enraged splicers pierced the walls of the nursery. Eleanor absentmindedly tossed the dead splicer away as she turned to the remaining Little Sisters in the room.
"Big Sister? Is that you?" Said the closest Little Sister- Valentine was her name, Eleanor now knew.
Eleanor ignored the little girl as she counted the remaining Little Sisters. 1, 2, 3... Eleanor felt her heart sink; there wasn't enough to boil the water. She had come so far, struggled so hard, and at the last moment, she and Father could no longer escape this damn city!
If the Adam was concentrated into one source...If one skilled individual was boiling instead of multiple weaker individuals...
Eleanor was shaken out of her thoughts by the call. She looked down at Valentine. "Big Sister, are we going home now?"
Home. Ignoring the pain in her heart, Eleanor made her decision. She had come too far to let Father die. Not now. Not when they were so close.
Eleanor bent her knee as she placed her hand behind Valentine's head. With a subtle twitch of telekinesis to ensure none of the Little Sisters moved, her hand began to glow as she reached out for Valentine's slug. "Yes Little Sister," She said, as Valentine collapsed like a stringless puppet. "We're going home now."
"NOOOOOOOO!" Eleanor screamed. The Appleton family had no time to react as Eleanor's telekinesis lashed out on its own accord, completely out of control. There bodies were picked up like ragdolls and flung about the room, smashing into furniture, pots, books, and walls. It was like a malestrom as Eleanor's over-powered telekinesis ripped the brick walls of the Appleton home apart as if it was paper.
Eleanor couldn't see or hear anything. The pain was beyond belief- she had never felt so torture before. She felt like her head was splitting in half as dozens of foreign memories flashed through her mind. It was like a thousand people were screaming, shouting, laughing, crying, everything and everybody going off at once to create a cacophony of chaos. Tears poured down Eleanor's cheeks and were immediately evaporated as the massive well of Adam bubbled fiercely beneath her skin. She could feel the heat in her body, pushing more and more, ready to explode at any second.
Something inside her seemed to recognize the danger. With the last of her cognitive power, Eleanor grabbed her Big Sister Suit and teleported to the first place she could think of- the barren field she had first awaken at two miles from town. Not a moment too soon- as soon as her feet hit the rocky soil, her Adam welled and up and released in a fiery burst of flame.
Eleanor vaguely heard someone shout her name before she collapsed to the ground. She immediately blacked out and knew no more.
CLICK HERE FOR CHAPTER 8
Last edited by Crazy Demon; 05-25-2010 at 02:51 AM.
What the **** just happened!?
That was ............... Shocking .......... an unfortunate coincidense ..........
Now i want a fanfic about her!
Eleanor went cucoo for coca puffs! (Since Andrew was eating cereal)What the **** just happened!?
About Valentine? That would probably be boring . Not much you can talk about a Little Sister.That was ............... Shocking .......... an unfortunate coincidense ..........
Now i want a fanfic about her!
Valentine: Let's go find an angel Daddy!
Big D: GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
Valentine: Ah! Help me Daddy!
Big D: RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWR! *Smashes Splicer*
Valentine: All finished Daddy!
Big D: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
Last edited by Crazy Demon; 05-24-2010 at 03:53 AM.
"Would you kindly tell me what happened..."
"Would you kindly tell me what happened..."
I was chuckling to myself when I wrote that. I was hoping someone would pick up on, which is why I had Peter "grimace at the Eleanor's awkward attempts of politeness"
Cookie to you! ^^
This is for the writer Nice! I was speculating that the daughter was a little sister and that something bad would happen. Either splicers would have made it to shore and killed him yet Jack lives like what? a mile away. So she would go there. Either your going to "cut" the Appletons out or they will live and start asking questions whatever you do don't have them live and have Ellie kill them shes supposed to be troubled not psychopathic murderer ie "You know to much now you must die."
Haha, don't worry about that happening ^^whatever you do don't have them live and have Ellie kill them shes supposed to be troubled not psychopathic murderer ie "You know to much now you must die."
It eez tenenbaum, coming for zee eleanor of wheech joo speek
Whoa, all during Ellie's memory sequence, I could hear Bobby Darin's 'Somewhere beyond the Sea' playing. And.... the Appletons got pwned! Pretty cool!
Oh, forgot to post about this.
Cookie for 'Daddy Is Strong!'But why do I feel like Peters sister is a Little Sister?
Hey Crazy Will Eleanor Remember all of this? Or Will The Aftermath Crew (News Outlet's, Dumbfounded Rescue Workers...) Jog Her memory.
Last edited by L33t B0uncer/R0sie; 05-24-2010 at 08:11 AM.
Tomorrow you shall seeHey Crazy Will Eleanor Remember all of this? Or Will The Aftermath Crew (News Outlet's, Dumbfounded Rescue Workers...) Jog Her memory.
Not yet. But pay attention to the chapter after tomorrows and you might see itP.s- Would This Be a Time You'd use the Cameo Name's the Community so Graciously provided? *Wink* *wink*
Hmmm...i vote for some sort of interaction with the readers.....like....a vote .....or get your name put in somewhere....yes..... (MR. Burns voice) Excellent.....
*you may ignore this if you want, i just think itd be nice to have mah name in the storeh *
Don't worry about getting ignored- I'm welcome to all suggetsionsHmmm...i vote for some sort of interaction with the readers.....like....a vote .....or get your name put in somewhere....yes..... (MR. Burns voice) Excellent.....
*you may ignore this if you want, i just think itd be nice to have mah name in the storeh
What could I make a vote about? Which cameo name to use?
Eleanor smiled as she skipped happily along the floor. "Andy! Petey!" She shouted, as she ran outside the house. Her two older brothers looked up from the small boat they were working on.
"Hey there squirt," Peter said, giving her a noogie, much to her annoyance. "What'cha got there?"
"Be nice Peter," Andrew reprimanded. "It's her birthday."
Eleanor gave a wide smile. "I lost my first tooth!" She exclaimed, proudly holding up the misplaced tooth.
"Wow, good job!" Andrew said, giving her a hug while Peter rolled his eyes. "If you put that under your pillow tonight, the toothfairy will come and give you money!"
"Yeah, the tooth fairy has these huge red glowings eyes and big teeth! If you don't catch her, she'll take your tooth away and leave you noth-ow!" Peter rubbed his leg, as he glared at Andrew, who gave him a look that clearly said 'Stop teasing her'. Eleanor merely laughed at their antics causing both of the boys to smile fondly at their cute little sister.
The day quickly past as night time arrived. It was nearly pitch black as the moon. Eleanor sat at attention by her window. She couldn't sleep! She wanted to see the tooth fairy that Andy and Petey told her about! She was so excited- it was going to be so cool!
There! Out in the darkness by the beach, Eleanor could see glowing red lights. Petey was right! She had to go and catch the tooth fairy now!
She quickly opened the window and slipped out. "Tooth fairy!" She called, running towards the red lights barefoot. "Tooth fairy, come back! Come ba-"
Her voice died in her throat as she reached the glowing lights. In front of her stood a tall, thin metal giant. A massive needle seemed to glisten in the moonlight. It looked as big as she was. And really sharp. And really scary.
The metal giant seemed to stare at her with its red, unblinking eye. It was like it was Eleanor apart with her eyes.
"Tooth...fairy?" Eleanor croaked weakly.
Eleanor didn't even see it move. One second Eleanor was standing scared stiff and the next second the monster had picked her and up and thrown her into the container it had strapped on its back. She screamed as she beat futilely against the metal walls. She was so afraid, she wanted to get out, she wanted mommy and daddy and Andy and Petey and-
Eleanor felt herself pause as the shout seem to thunder across her mind. Something wasn't right here at all.
Of course something is wrong. This is not your memory Eleanor. This the memory of one of the Little Sisters you harvested. This is Valentine's memory.
Valentine? But...no...Petey was her brother, her family.
No, he is not. Your family was me. Remember me? Your Big Daddy. Your Father.
'Father?' The corpse of a Big Daddy flashed in front of Eleanor's mind, so still...so at peace. 'FATHER!'
Yes. Remember who you are Eleanor. Remember and wake up!
Eleanor's eyes snapped out and she coughed weakly. She could barely think- her head felt like it was spliting in half. She groaned in pain.
Eleanor. Are you alright?
Eleanor froze. It couldn't be...Father? She called out in her mind.
It is I.
Eleanor couldn't help it. The moment she heard those words, all of her pain, sadness, and fear just seem to come pouring out. She bawled like a baby as tears of joy and relief came pouring out of her eyes. Snot leaked out of her nose and spit came flying out as she lost all control over herself. It was quite a sight.
Eleanor. Delta's voice was gentle, but firm. You need to calm down. There is much to do.
Eleanor nodded weakly, her voice hiccuping as she sought to control her rampant emotions. She was so glad! She had been afraid that her attempt to save Father had failed. She had been afraid that she would be all alone.
You are not alone, said Delta, having read her thoughts. But you need to listen to me Eleanor. You need to get away from this field. During your episode you released a massive blast of flame.
At that, Eleanor noticed the stench of burnt destruction assaulting her nose. She lifted her head and saw that where there was a field before, now lay a massive circle of black ash.
Someone must have noticed so you need to get away. Do not use your teleporation though. Your Adam is far too volatile at the moment. I know it hurts but you need to trust me. You have to run. You have to survive.
Eleanor grunted in pain as she dragged herself to her feet. The pain in both her mind and body was almost unbearable, but she ignored it as she bent over and picked up her Big Suitcase suitcase. Don't worry Father, She said as she began slowly walking away. Already, she could feel the Adam in her body repairing her torn muscles. I will always trust you.
CLICK HERE FOR CHAPTER 9
Last edited by Crazy Demon; 05-26-2010 at 02:02 AM.